Rewrite - The Importance of Punctuation

A comma makes a world of difference when it comes to writing; it could be the difference between life and death.  Stop clubbing baby seals; stop clubbing, baby seals.

I find it easy to depend on my computer to pick up on all the mistakes I make when writing – that's what spell-check is for, right? Unfortunately, it doesn't pick up on simple punctuation errors that can label you as unprepared, presumptuous and a bad writer.

"Rewriting is the essence of writing well," wrote Zinsser, "it's where the game is won or lost."  This is one of the most valuable lessons about writing I have learned through this course.  Posting my work before proofing has been a mistake I have made on more occasions than I can count. It indicates laziness and the feeling that my work was born perfect. The fact is most of the time it is not. It needed to be reviewed several times. A sentence could have been removed, or placed somewhere else. Perhaps the adjective I used in sentence three was unnecessary fluff.  The second paragraph is boring. The cliché cup runneth over.  Or I don’t know when to end the paragraph.

My classmates’ critiques throughout the semester were a great push into becoming a better writer as well. Having people giving honest critique and suggestions for improvement showed me the areas I needed improvement and focus on strengthening my weaknesses. As I stated in a previous post, almost every critique gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize. 

Clear and logical writing is the result of work through rewriting and editing. I agree with Zinsser that most of us don't get out what we want the first time around, or we don't articulate as well as we thought.  Reshape and tighten your work – it's the difference between getting your point across and a group of krumping baby seals.

Social Media: DollarShaveClub.com - Our Blades Are F***ing Great

The social media campaign that stood out the most for me was Dollar Shave Club. Dollar Shave Club is a company started by two guys that were tired of spending tons of money every month on new razors. The idea was simple – for as little as $1/month, they’ll send a cassette of five Ninja Blades right to your door.

What makes this campaign successful (besides targeting lazy guys like myself) is their presence and use of social media.  Dollar Shave Company has created a YouTube video, that has already gone viral, to advertise their product.  The video is funny, clever and made me want to know more about the company and see where I could sign up. They also have a large following on Twitter. Looking through their feed, Dollar Shave Club promotes their product a good deal,  tweet out any articles or mentions of their product in the media and also give thanks and mentions to followers for signing up for their product and giving a review. This is effective because it shows clients and followers that they care and appreciate their business.  Their Facebook page also contains a bevy of information on the product and a good amount of positive feedback from fans.

The YouTube video is clearly what has pushed this campaign into full gear and gave Dollar Shave Club a chance to get their product sold.  I plan to continue building my presence through my blog and using Twitter. 

Sample Video Script

I decided to go with adapting a chapter from one of my favorite books, Invisible Monsters, into a script. Check it out here: http://bit.ly/z3sw3y

Allow Me To Introduce Myself...

After reading the most recent feedback, I realized that I had jumped into this blog without properly introducing Winston and letting you know much about why I am going in a new direction

Whereas PBenenson focused his blog on human rights issues around the world, I have decided to make Winston’s blog an analysis on current events from a liberal perspective. My decision came during our Devil’s Advocate assignment. I enjoyed that assignment the most because it was a topic I felt strongly about and had a ton I wanted to say, but couldn’t; that wasn’t the intended role of PBenenson. PBenenson was a character that was meant to be serious and objective. I am not.

Winston Smith is going to be more aligned with who I am – cheeky, sarcastic and witty – and what I want to share.  My goal is to inform the reader. I want to provoke thought and dialog about current events, while having a good time with it. I hope my readers have a few laughs too. Or I make your head explode.   Either way, I hope to get a reaction.

I welcome feedback from anyone, even if you might disagree with my comments and analysis – you’re probably wrong, but I welcome it regardless. That’s how we get a dialogue started. And who knows – you mind just change my mind. Or you might change mine.

To advance my voice online, there is a podcast episode in the works. It will be an extension of the writing done on the blog.  

Also, after receiving feedback on the title of this blog being heavy, I have decided to change the name of the blog to Coming Up For Air.  I agree that the new name is a bit lighter, and goes with the mood I am trying to set.; World of Comforting Illusions was a bit Brave New World  meets 1984.

Everyone has an opinion.  But mine is what makes this blog unique and separates me from the crowd.  

Transcript

What if you could find like-minded people in your area to meet-up with and wax politics?

For political active people everywhere who want  to find events in the area, meet-up spots, or a group discussion and meet new, fun people, the Act-Up app will provide all of these options.

What is Act-Up? Act-Up is a new and exciting app marketed specifically for politically motivated people interested in sharing ideas and getting politically organized.

Have an event you want people to know about? Act-Up will offer users a way to post events, meet-ups and scheduled protests to a public calendar.

Users can also search events in their area through G P S and a map with pinpoints indicating the location of an event. Users also have the option to enter their ZIP code or their city and the topic they want to meet about, and the app helps them arrange a place and time to meet.

Once an event or message is posted, users have the opportunity to send out an update via Twitter and/or Facebook.

But is it user friendly..? Completely!

Act -Up Is…

1.       Simple to install 

All you need to do is download the app onto your mobile device and you're ready to go!

Users will then have the opportunity to create a profile and by answering a few questions – their political views, social interests and search radius – they can completely customize the updates you receive and who can contact them.

2.           Easy to update

When we have updated the app, you will receive a notice. Just click 'Ok' and leave the rest to us! Updates will be done quickly and efficiently. 

3.           Easy to navigate

The interfaces have been made as simple as possible to navigate. The functions and elements have a clear purpose.  Labels have been put next to icons to make it easy to recognize them instantly.

How much will the app cost? Act-Up will be free for download and use on Android and iPhone/iPad.  Revenues will be generated directly from advertising on the app.

What's the timeline to develop Act-Up? The app will take 5 to 7 days to develop and test.

For More Information Please contact Winston Smith at WinstonSmith Blog@ gmail.com or (555) 867-5309.

Revitalize your local community and meet people that want to make a difference. Get the Act-Up App now!

  

Thank you!

Executive Summary Presentation

Can be found here:

http://youtu.be/wK4MfYxkHtg

The Trouble With A Santorum

Rick Santorum, Republican former senator of Pennsylvania, and widely known for his radical social views, has been making headlines recently with some off-the-wall comments. Santorum, a devout Catholic, has used his faith-based beliefs to define his public policy and has many fearing what a Santorum presidency would mean for America – a frothy mess. I have decided to dedicate the next few posts to Santorum and some of his most troublesome comments along the campaign trail.

Last week a remark Santorum made in 2008 about the threat of Satan came to light. “Satan is attacking the great institutions of America,” a gravely serious Santorum shouted, “using those great vices of pride, vanity, and sensuality as the root to attack all of the strong plants that has so deeply rooted in the American tradition.” Normally, I would read this and think that it had been spewed forth by Pat Robertson or Fred Phelps – not a viable candidate for president. But it hadn’t, and that’s unsettling.

What’s more unsettling are his views on the separation of church and state. “I don’t believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute,” Santorum said. “The idea that the church can have no influence or no involvement in the operation of the state is absolutely antithetical to the objectives and vision of our country.” It begins to shine light on what the country under a President Santorum would look like – theocratic.  

As an American, Santorum is entitled to his own religious beliefs and opinions; it is one of the many things that make this country great. There are also many Americans that share the same beliefs. Even most of our presidents have been deeply devout and religious men. But where they differ from potential presidential candidate Santorum is that they didn’t run on a platform based on theocratic ideals – they ran our country based on democratic principles rather than allow narrow religious views to dictate their course of action. Religion has no place in politics.  If you don’t agree, look at what a great job countries such as Saudi Arabia or Iran are doing on human rights and democratic ideals.

Comments such as ‘Satan is attacking America’ or his views on the separation of church and state are alarming and show that Santorum is too governed by his brand of faith to run our diverse country; his ultra-conservative religious beliefs dictate his life, his values, and his worldview to such a great degree that it is difficult to imagine him separating these perspectives from deciding public-policy on the facts rather than faith. 

Our president should be in the real world, dealing with real problems – the economy, high gas prices and an impending war with Iran – not a mythical horned demon hell-bent on taking over our country. He is running for commander-in-chief, not pastor-in-chief.  

Executive Summary

Act-Up is a new and exciting app marketed specifically for politically motivated people interested in sharing ideas and organizing. Act-Up will offer users a way to post events, meet-ups and protests to a public calendar.  

Act-Up users can search events by theme, dates, times, topic or search events in their area through GPS and a map with pinpoints indicating the location of an event. Once an event or message is posted, users have the opportunity to send out an update via Twitter and/or Facebook.  

Users have the opportunity to create a profile and by answering a few questions – political views, social interests and search radius –will receive updates when an event they might be interested in has been posted in their area. Users will also have the ability to contact each other directly to chat, organize an event or share information.  

The app will take 5-7 days to develop and test. Act-Up will be free for download and use on Android and iPhone/Ipad – revenues will be generated directly from advertising on the app. 

Another Hypocrite Forced Out of The Closet.

It seems like only a few years ago that if a person was outted, it was a scandal. Heads exploded, people fainted over learning of so-and-so getting caught with a male escort or having a ‘wide-stance’ in the bathroom stall at an airport. Now if a week goes by without a public official telling the world they are gay, something seems queer in the world.

And as luck would have it, this week another conservative government employee was outted. And nobody blinked an eye. Well, nobody blinked an eye at him being gay – the scandal and investigation that surrounds the circumstances for his coming out is what has everyone buzzing.

Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu publicly acknowledged last weekend that he is gay amid allegations of threatening to deport his Mexican immigrant ex-lover. An investigation for allegations of “human rights violations, threatening & intimidating, misuse of public resources, theft of property, theft of identity, fraud & impersonation” is currently underway.

Sheriff Babeu has been rough on undocumented immigrants in Arizona and has been coming down hard on those that employee them, calling for punishment against “those that harbor” undocumented immigrants. Seems to me Babeu had been doing more than harboring an undocumented immigrant these past few years. Oh hypocrisy, thy name is Babeu.

And before you give credit to Babeu for coming out, let’s note why he did so – he was going to be outted for threatening to deport his ex. Babeu would have never come out publicly had he not threatened his ex-lover, or anyone didn’t stumbled upon his online gay dating profile (it doesn’t take Cagney & Lacey to figure this out). There is really no credit or points for being courageous and true to yourself and the world when you’re being forced, and under such circumstances.

Would this investigation have been underway, or a public career potentially ruined, if he had just been honest with himself and everyone else in the beginning? Or would his career have even begun in such a conservative district if he ran as an openly gay American?  Probably not.  But he would have been true to himself, to the world, and to those closeted that are looking for inspiration and confirmation that it is ok to be who you are and make it in the United States.

Babeu's support (and all those currently closeted) for a political party opposed to issues that affect his happiness and govern his choices reflects self-hatred and internalized homophobia. And if you would rather remain in the closet, just make sure you don’t threaten to deport your ex.  Your secret isn’t going to be safe for long. And neither is your credibility. 

Act-Up App (Elevator Pitch 2)

What if you could find like-minded people in your area to meet-up with and wax politics?

For political active people everywhere who want  to find events in the area, meet-up spots, or a group discussion and meet new, fun people, the Act-Up app, will provide all of these options.  Act-Up allows the user to create a profile, upload a photo, post events and group meet-ups, and, through GPS, track other users with the same interests and events in their area. Users will also be able to have alerts for when events they are interested in are posted by other users in the areas. This will be a free app, but there will be an opportunity for advertisers to place ads throughout the different pages of Act-Up.

Elevator Pitch 1

Coming Up For Air is a weekly news webisode with a witty, satirical twist. Coming Up For Air will be self-assured to take over the competition because our content will be fun, fresh and informative. The difference is biased-free news targeted at a young, informed audience. All of our webisodes contain three segments – week in review, panel discussion, and questions from viewers.  Our host, Winston Smith, has been a journalist for years and is experienced in writing and discussing the latest news in politics.  As more people learn about Coming Up For Air through Twitter, Facebook and other social media sites, Coming Up For Air’s popularity will soar.